It might be understandable that your mother has reservations about this girl because your previous relationship with a woman did not survive. iStock. The passing of his father, my husband had impacted us both and I believed we were always going to be close. Don't nag him about college or breaking up with her. Who is this unfamiliar creature that has attracted our sons attention? I find it useful,I have four son one came home with a girl who will never say hi to me when he first start'ed going out with her, I always said hi some time she will just be looking at me, and my son will be there when she is doing this,this is my first son, now my #2 son will tel his girlfriend not to talk to me when he has problem with me even now he send his graduation invitation to his girl friend and a friend, when she see will also not say hi,how can I understand this ,I care for this children when their father left when they were babys is this what I get for 26years, please help me. In fact, if you have been too controlling throughout his upbringing, expect that this will be a time for him to establish his own independence. He feels protective. And in our case, my son wouldn't go to counseling so we had to provide a little for him through our our heartfelt communication. Ever since then she barely talks to me and barely greets me. He messaged me the following morning and told us he had given his girlfriend an ultimatum as her ex partner was always going round to see his child. I have been reading all the stories that you ladies have been posting. He had no place to live and had no car (they had even sold the car he had from college) I made him come back home and get himself together. Offer your insights without judgment or emotionno threats, tears, or tiradesor you son will close his ears. We have tried to talk with our son about what we felt in the beginning was just typical new mom depression or her being overwhelmed. I'm at a loss over what to do about my 23 year old son's older "fiance". It has gotten to the point that our son has given up all his friends and only does things with her and her parents. DBS MORNING SHOW & OBITUARIES 25TH APRIL 2023 APRIL 2023 - Facebook His Grandparents are elderly and it's unfair that they are having to go through this again. Whenever I see my son, I know he's been with her because his clothes smell like a forest fire. Divorces and break-ups happen all the time. But once you say this, don't harp on it or bring it up continually. So When my niece told me that, I asked him if the girl came to the house.. but he denied it! But, Dave, remember one important thing: This woman is not a mere girlfriend. At first we got along but then we discovered she steals thingsshe lies.and we no longer trust her in our home. I have fought her tooth and nail ever since I found about her 8 months ago. A son is a son until he takes a wife is an apt saying. She offers something that he wants on a physical, emotional or psychological level. The other family has total control over him and we do not know what to do either, but I have to thank God he is alive and we have still opportunities , as little as they may be, to talk to him nd let him know we love him. If your son contributes to your finances and you need his support, that is a different story. losing a job is really hard and can get you down. He is going to hang on until she or he discover that there is more out there than each other. The final nail in that relationship was ahe cheated on him with his best friend! and just got engaged to this girl against what his family thinks! They attended our sons high school graduation as well as his party. Another essential step you should consider is scheduling consistent family time. They know that my husband and I don't like it at all. As a mother, you're concerned about your son getting involved in a committed relationship at such a young age, and that is completely understandable. I feel so hurt and don't know what to do. I panicked and began to shout which only sent them both farther away. Kids don't realize that hearts do mend. Bryanne Salazar. But, subtle signs that people don't like you can also drive you nuts, making you feel paranoid. So, anyway we moved to another house recently and this girl always comes to my house with her friends and sometimes they just hang out and eat at my house which is okay with me because they're my son's friends. Our encounter was not awkward and I was glad to see her and hear how her . First, you might want to have a sit down with your son. Parenting reaches a whole new level of complications when your precious little boy becomes aware of their sexual feelings. Ouch. Luckily she moved in with a mutual friend and the younger child. We need to question why this girl attracts him. He asked us a few weeks ago to apologise to his girlfriend as she heard our telephone conversation about our concerns that she was using him against her ex partner. However, if he can learn from patterns in life, he must understand that ultimately, he cannot fix her. Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on November 04, 2015: Good for you, Bill. What she doesn't know won't hurt her, and so she can continue being the sweet, considerate future daughter-in-law and melt away your mother's disapproval with kindness in time. He has a girlfriend and we allowed her to come stay in our home 3 nights a week. We did not attack our son's former girlfriend but we only continually expressed our love for him. This again caused her to put new demands. She didn't say anything at the time. Use humor. I suggested prosponing renting out his flat go back and see how things go. Its vital to have this sit-down immediately when you suspect any of the manipulative signs. My son dated a young woman 4 years ago that my husband and I really disapproved of. Please note that I have not informed my girlfriend of this as it will hurt her heart. She has had very bad comments that show that she disapproves of our relationship in front of family members and others. My son's girlf friend will sleep over in his room. I can't undo what I said to my son about my concerns about the neglect and stealing of clothing. You know your teenage son better than anyone, and the thought of someone coming in and stealing his heart is simply no bueno. Our perspective is that you have your whole lieves ahead of you. My son is blinded (21) and doesn't see the red flags all of our family members have seen in his life since he has met this girl and her parents. "One reason why I fell in love with her is because she is a lot like you in that she is very caring and kind." Is that what he wanted? Son's relationship with needy woman causes concern - Detroit Free Press Especially when my son's ex-gf came to me and told me how much she missed him and loved him. After a week I went to meet him for lunch and found out that he was living in his car! Say, "Mom, no other woman can take your place in my heart--ever." You might also ask his closest friend, cousin or sibling to talk with him. "Let your partner know it means a lot to you to see . Then there was the mornings she would stay in bed and my son trying to wake her but she wouldn't get up. my sons girlfriend doesn t like me - jakzachowaczdrowie.pl my sons girlfriend doesn t like me. The other day I ran into the mother of my middle son's former girlfriend. Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on June 05, 2012: Why don't they like her? But there is hope. There is only one real red flag to be concerned about: violence. One day my husband came home from work and mentioned that he saw my son with the girl and his friends watching movie in the living room. I have gone out of my way and bent over backwards but yet I cannot understand her personality. "She really loves you and dad." Get on the same page with your significant other. For the first 8 months we got along very well. We had work of our own to do. I guess what i am trying to tell you is don't do what i did and TELL him all the red flags you see. My son is an adult. We had a great few days together but she stayed well away, pretended she was working but our son looked unhappy so his father asked him if he was happy, his siblings have always had a solid relationship and they heard him on the phone to him, her tone was very sharp towards him. In turn that left us having to beat on the door asking her to please get up and leave. Not sure if I will do it, but it sounds good. If she heartlessly uses your sons emotions to make him agree to her terms. My main support is that she liked to undertake Nursing as she said she likes to serve the community and I paid for her registration and now she has received a study loan for the whole year and now has one year left for her studies. Please let me know where you got your design. 7. Introducing your boyfriend to your parents is a nerve-wracking experience. "He doesn't like the situation," stresses Gorell Barnes. Let other life situations, including their immaturity, test their relationship. "The kids really love her." Come to find out, she worked at a cookie shop in the mall with my son's ex-girlfriend (who was very nice and we loved very much) .long story short - she began instigating throughout their break-up and laying it on really thick. They have been together for 6 years and recently bought their own house. In fact, I discovered later, the picture was taken several years earlier. Two days later, the mom calls to ask me to go to lunch "since the kidss are going to be together". APRIL 20 ORIGINAL COWBOY DIES Former NFL running back Don McIlhenny, who in 1960 scored the first rushing touchdown in Dallas Cowboys history, has died at the age of 88. (as he was joking on his text) I said, I only like her because she's nice to our dog, but I don't her for you as your girlfriend! But instead of staying near home with friends (he had burned bridges because of her)he ran back to the big city where he graduated, brought her with him and there is when she resumed prostitution. In the beginning sge was living by those two rules. Set a particular time they shouldnt be outside. My issue is that she comes over to our house at least 3 days a week, but It actually felt good just to vent and get another opinion! The pros and cons of social media (like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, Google+, and Tumblr) on teenagers. The hard part is hoping your son will wake up before making any lifelong commitment to this girl. Young boys with low self-esteem are attracted to girls that make them feel good about themselves. Thank YOU for posting. And her son came running home: Chimp Stealing Kitten Dream Interpretation, http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art30033.asp. I have just read through some of your postings and it has brought tears to my eyes. ParentalQuestions.com is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com and its partnered brands/websites. We did this due to her poor attitude and disrespect towards me and my fiance. Will she be good for him? If they are spending much time together and less time on school or other activities. Parents of Adult Children: Coping With Their Significant Other Mo Mulla is a work from home dad who enjoys reading and listening to music, He loves being a dad and husband to a growing family. Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on December 24, 2012: Don't make a big deal about their engagement. He might not missing out on anything at all. And it sounds as though they see themselves in the children's romance. Tell him that you want him to be sure about this decision. He chose a young girl over his own family knowing she disrespected me. For kids who have led the straight and narrow lifestyle for all their lives, the rebel or laid back lifestyle suddenly can feel liberating. She asked my husband for money, my son has said if she sees we are helping him out Financial she might eventually come round. She is trying to keep him from his family, I really hates her! I feel at a loss because my son and I have always been close until she came along. Why not invite them both to join you and your family for dinner. They're just now experiencing some measure of independence. My heart feels broken into a million pieces.please help me understand if Im doing something wrong. She's shy and has said she doesn't like how she looks, she doesn't like taking pictures is what she said. They have been together for1 year. We'd love to add it to our calendar. It is very hurtful, but I will continue to invite both of them to spend time with us. Keep in mind there is a court appearance coming up. Will she take him away from us? The signs might be clear, but most parents cant help but wonder why their kid is willingly dating a toxic partner. A 16-year-old girl with those types of problems most likely has moved on to another guy while your son is in detention center. This is why it's essential to listen to the people who know you best and love you most (like your siblings . Then they had June exams, they are both in Matric and I had to start putting boundaries in place in which I told them that they can only see each other 1 day of the weekend until after exams. My mom, myself, my family, we didn't celebrate Mom's day this year. As much as it hurts, you are all not alone in your situations. Do your best to show how your wife has increased the joy in your life and their lives (your parents'). Your son is always a victim of the blame game. Son's girlfriend doesn't like me | Health24 Natalie B. justice advocate on Instagram: "I wasn't prepared for the She translates your disapproval of the relationship as a rejection of her. Not a very friendly person at all..she actually has made the hair stand up on the back of my neck. Is is possible to have a frank talk with him--no judgment, criticism or forcing of opinion--just to express how you'd like to get to know her? Well, they have been going together for four years. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about the things that have transpired through those years.first off, my son never officially introduced me to this woman. He might like that his girlfriend gets you riled up. "Her family might have been poor but this only gives her determination to help our family's finances." she is very disrespectful called me a bitch to my face, has went off on me in my home, has called my husband a motherfucker to his face and has changed my son for the worse. son's girlfriend doesn 't like his family Any questions that may come across as judgmental or accusatory. When he does come by to grab closes he says hello mom and closea the door in my face. Their expectations of their daughter's fianc or husband will be very different from their expectations of her boyfriend. The easiest way to break tension is to share a laugh. We do try and invite them all the time, but there is always an excuse as to why he can't make it. The right girl will bring more love and joy to the family as the family grows. Be sure to tell them you love them. My son began dating this girl when he was 17. They would argue and fight. His first love. Please advise. he had a dream of going to college after high school was going to major in medical field of some type. At the end of the night, they came into our house to watch him open his gifts. The second court notice (this time with a mediator). Explaining what abuse, assault, and rape really are can be confusing, but it is important for his life and the lives of the girls he meets. :). We had given him a car when he left school to help him out, but he had an accident. Accepting your son's girlfriend may be challenging at first, but bringing her into your family will also bring you closer to your son. MY SON HAS ALWAYS A RESPECTFUL CHILD. Invasive or insensitive questions about the relationship, her personal life, or her background. She's the one with the closest relationships to all involved. I didn't smother her with love just showed her that she was special. Moving on, as my son got the career opportunity, Scarlet came every week and they lived on the phone 24/7 because she cheated on him twice and he could not trust her. Because we only have his best interests at heart. So I went to the city and found him. She cussed me and called me horrible names. We didn't feel like celebrating. He did end up getting an apartment a few weeks later (with our help), and is currently enrolled in a local college. Although it is disheartening, it also gives me a sense of support - as this subject has been one that has been very difficult to handle for the past 2 years in my house. I implore you all not to cut ties with your son for any reason. !Grow up. We'll look at the advantages and disadvantages of growing up in the digital age. He ended them all to his advantage. And we presented our concerns. As his mother, you have the right to forewarn him of upcoming problems that may stem from differences in faith and other areas of incompatibility, for example. Ok, that was a year ago. THIS GIRL IS TRULY A BAD INFLUENCE.SHE CONSTANTLY DRINKS, SHE HAS TWO CHILDREN THAT SHE DOES NOT CARE FOR. Why else would a decent young man tolerate a girl who mistreats or disrespects his parents whom he loves? You don't have to start planning the wedding or be overly indulgent and supportive of the relationship but just warm, friendly and loving. 2K views, 27 likes, 7 loves, 18 comments, 0 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Dbstvstlucia: DBS MORNING SHOW & OBITUARIES 25TH APRIL 2023 APRIL 2023 No. I explained to her the reason. Help! Her mom kicked her out of the house a fact we recently just found out as his girlfriend told us she moved out. (Of course, it wasn't always that way with my son whose gf needed a place to stay for a while but she wasn't a problem so I let my mandate slide.). Let the girl do her thing which probably will be to move on while he is detention. The "boundaries" you put in place made good sense in terms of wanting them to focus on their exams, for the benefit of both of them, and as a very temporary move. When she started dating Matt she lived with her aunt apparently did not see eye to eye with her mother and step father whom run a beautiful heifer farm and her mom is a school teacher. I even renovated her house and spent lots of money but now there is a problem when i support my girlfriend. When she constantly ridicules and criticizes your son or his family. But you did give me a good idea about turning this subject into a blog! And that he will find it in his heart to forgive you for any mistakes you made as a mother because you only intended to raise him well. Your son may be too hooked in love to understand that hes in an unhealthy relationship. now he drinks, does weed and cigs. Anything I say or do is considered wrong and I no longer know how to behave . I have always supported at home and even paid for my mothers studies when she was studying, I give her money monthly just for support on groceries while i understand that this is optional as she is working after she got a qualification for her studies. My son had 2 vehicles at the time and didn't need another one. I have not said anything critical of her until a few days ago which was after his telling me that she was now claiming all the new clothing purchased for her baby who is now 9 months old. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); My Sons Girlfriend Is Manipulative 3 Ways To Cope, on My Sons Girlfriend Is Manipulative 3 Ways To Cope, 1. I sent hours on my patio scraping the mildew off and letting it sit in the sun to kill off what I could. Thanks for the most valuable advice. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. We are all heartbroken and only talk with him occasionally. Just love your son so he will never forsake you for anyone. we will never accept her we just don't know what to do. I am going through hell and probably have lost my son for good. We have enjoyed a good relationship for the past 18 months with our son, he has telephoned me everyday, visited his grandparents and us, now he's ignoring us all again. I still would address my son and let him know that it is only fair that his gf cleans up after herself and perhaps they need to kick in extra money for the extra expenses she creates with groceries, utilities, etc. She smokes like a chimney. Her family is unstable and made crazy comments to Scarlet and about us. Being a mother, I spoke up and told him to be careful with this. This can be more difficult for the parent than it is for the child, but here are some ways to make it easier for everyone. Then, if and when problems in their relationship arise, he'll be able to turn to you for solace and guidance. Why would my son stay with a girl that threatened to beat my butt and call me horrible names? And instead of providing your opinions, point out the indisputable facts. We asked to meet him last weekend, we travelled a long way to visit him but he text and told us he was busy with her and her son. So I let him waddle in the mess he made for about 6 months - until one day I just decided that I didn't want him to suffer. As time goes on, you can bring your girlfriend by too. Sons girlfriend doesn't say hello to me or my wife when she - Mumsnet One must choose wisely, and there is an old adage to "go into marriage with both eyes open. If his girlfriend is prone to violence, she poses a risk to your son and any future children. Keep the porch light on and the door unlocked. I felt two yrs ago there would be an issue with this girl and her family and it is so bad right now. A grandmother writes in asking for advice after she thought she was doing right by her son's girlfriend when she purchases all they could ever need for their now 7-month-old child. But he might have found his life mate at an early age. Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on January 13, 2013: For those struggling with difficult son's girlfriend issues, please read about a very helpful dream in which a mother was given remarkable advice to follow. It seems that the more I took his side or stood up for myself, I was no longer useful to either one. You don't have to admit to anything you're NOT sorry for but do apologize for letting your anger and frustration get the best of you and do tell him that you regret ever telling him to move out. There have been several instances when we would see her mom and when we did, she always had a comment to make about the kids. The one who trusted you long ago and still will today. It is heartbreaking. Now my mother keeps on asking how she is studying and who is paying for her fees, even if i explain to her, she would go and talk about it with other family member/s. Note that I do not live with my parents as i am an independent person and have a professional job. My son who is still in college for another at least 3 yrs. Plus she nevers smiles. That bugs me toooooo death !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1. Only his. teen - Son's girlfriend does not say "hello" when she comes to our If you have to live with your mother's disapproval, so be it. The Debater. He does not seem concerned for his son's health and well-being. Send out lots of love to him. This is why so many mother and daughter-in-law relationships become estranged: a tug-of-war with an unhappy male in the middle of it all. Your reasons are sound and valid from a parent's perspective, but in all honesty, you have to remember that he has a life of his own. Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on August 20, 2012: Oh, you're welcome. How would you feel if your own son's girlfriend called you names? Make it a warm and inviting offering. Then, you can continue to express the positives that your girlfriend adds to your life. The time to say your peace is before they reach the altar. Good luck! He said sorry but it didn't change the the fact that he lied to me! Can I Use Apple Cider Vinegar for Babies? Well, he told her and the woman blasted my sweet friend (and me) on social media so that the world could see!! If he wants private time with her which is an adult privilege, he needs to own up to that adult responsibility of having his own place. She won't bath him or put him in clean clothing and seems to be extremely harsh with him. She pretends to be having no issue to me at times but I am concerned that this will have a negative impact on our relationship with her (mother) once we get married.
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